Seriously?!

Bristol Palin is five months pregnant and planning on marrying the father? Does it get any richer? Look, here's the thing: My "wifey" and I are not legally married. Her daughter, two year old Violet, is not biologically related to me whatsoever. We are a great loving family without any real care for legal pronouncements on whether we are a great loving family. At the same time: WE ARE NOT CLAIMING A MORAL HIGH GROUND!
The problem here is NOT whether or not Bristol and her boyfriend are doin' the nasty. The problem is NOT that the name "Bristol" dooms her to being a NASCAR wife. The PROBLEM is that the daughter of a Vice Presidential candidate running on a "moral parent" platform is acting in direct opposition to the candidate's stated belief. The PROBLEM is that Bristol Palin, who is somewhere in the realm of seventeen (there's no birthdate to be found on her), was more than likely getting busy before the age of consent, while a student in high school (or after she was pulled from school and "homeschooled" late in her high school career) all while her mother, who is attempting to be in line to be in charge of the military as commander in chief, cannot maintain her own code of behavior in her own home. If she can't enforce her own standards in her own house, can we trust her to enforce the UCMJ as the head executive? What? Oh, here's the link to an Eagle Forum question where she states she is an abstinence-only woman.
The Washinton Post predicts the conservative christians (lower case mine) will give the Palin family a pass on this. Perhaps it's because, living so far away in Alaska, they aren't close enough to qualify under the American Evangelical Sixth Commandment: "You shall pass judgement on thy neighbor." Sarah Palin is a pentecostal. What's a pentecostal? It's a Christian that believes they have the gifts of the pentecost. What are the gifts of the pentecost? Those are things like speaking in tongues, possession by the holy spirit, the laying on of hands. Yeah, there is a possibility that our next Vice President believes she can be healed by her pastor laying on hands while she "speaks in tongues". She believes that Satan is actively working to destroy America - or at least her pastor does. Yet even with a God given necessity of promoting abstinence only, she can't get her closest family to follow what she portrays as incredible truth.
Which do you think is worse, that the people running around talking about the sanctity of marriage portraying the other side as "free for all, do what you want, orgy havin' and then baby killing wild people" are themselves getting "knocked up" out of wedlock (so much for abstinence only sex ed, eh?); or perhaps it's the fact that the Palin camp accepted the mantel of Religious Right Figurehead knowing this; or finally, the possibility that John McCain is such a complete moron that he chose the "ultimate" Mom knowing she couldn't control her family and not realizing it's obscenely hypocritical? This isn't Dick Cheney painfully wincing when his party turns its back on his daughter's choices (yes, there is one area where I'll stand up for Cheney again and again); this is a woman who embodies a moral rectitude that obviously can't be found in her own living room.

Oh, I almost forgot my second question: does it get any richer? Oh yes it does. On a personal level, I don't care about Bristol's business. I'm definitely going to give you a link to people who are: RIGHT ABOUT HERE. By the way, don't try to follow the "smoking gun" to a no-showing seven month Sarah Palin, they've taken those photos off the website - wait, if it's a dirty left-wing rumor, why is it that the website showing Palin's svelte seven months not preggy look suddenly missing? Of course, there is oddity in the press, but ultimately, if the daughter is truly "five months pregnant", she didn't have a child four months ago. IF. Let's stay tuned to see if her (cough, cough, second) child is born just a bit premature. Or sit in awe and wonder that Sarah Palin was flying home from Texas as she's having contractions - the airline not even noticing that she was pregnant as she's in labor does seem odd. The doctor is a family friend. The hospital has no birth record. Small town secrets are pretty ugly splashed across a national level review.
I've said it before, I'll say it again: I don't care about their family. I could care less about all their children and what they do in Alaska. Don't care. But don't play some "Oh all the good Christians rally around the wonderful uber-mom" if the uber-mom in question is just a normal American mom, a little too obsessed with her newfound careers to pay enough attention to what the kids are doing. To preach "abstinence only" sex education and the perils of Left-Coasters like Pelosi corrupting our schools when you can't hover in the idealistic bubble you've created as your image is beyond hypocricy, it's an insult to those you claim to serve. It happens Bristol, women get pregnant, welcome to today. But don't lecture us about being dirty pigs on the left if you're eating from the same sty.
Don't worry too much conservatives and Palinatics! David Pepper, her pastor, says that Satan has powers on the internet to corrupt. Sit tight, believe. All this is just Satan trying to confuse you. A supernatural demon is easier to accept than a hypocritical politician.

McCain's big bet on Stupid America

The morning after Barak Obama shed his nice guy image and let the Chicago politician out, John McCain suddenly pulled off the greatest flip flop of the campaign to date. He didn't change his stance on much this time, only his long-time facade/tradition of building friendships (the inner McCain desperately wanted to get good ol' Joey Lieberman on the ticket, I'm sure of that) and standing by them. No, he changed the entire positioning of the candidates. The morning after Barak essentially said "Bring It! Bring your swift boating friends to attack the Muslim Who Hates America, you hot headed, senile, old f@*&!", John turned into the Democrats. He didn't utter as much as a peep about being senile, or about not knowing anything about his houses. He hardly responded at all to the challenge.
Instead, he introduced perhaps the most unqualified Veep nomination in the history of the free world. There have been kitchen appliances more qualified for vice president than Sarah Palin. She's a caricature straight out of SNL, a little Christian Soccer (er, hockey?) Mom, with the voice of a South Park character and just good looking enough to arouse comments inside every man (and some women's) thoughts. She is a Stepford wife, a PTA girl who took on the government, a Disney film, or perhaps a brunette spin-off of Legally Blonde. When she got behind the microphone, she called the office of the Vice Presidency the highest office in the land. She praised Geraldine Ferraro. She praised Hillary Clinton. Um. The Republicans are praising Hillary Clinton? Isn't that like a vegan extolling the pleasures of a French Dip? Less than a month ago, on CNBC, she stated she didn't know what the Vice President does? This is the most blatant insult to the feminist movement, to the Clinton supporters, and to whatever historical spins the media is currently putting on this race. She's a steadfast hunting carnivore supreme who opposes things like rape exceptions to abortion bans. Sounds like a great choice to go after the liberal Hillarite women.
It was brilliant. It was the smartest political move that John McCain has ever made. For every Hillary Clinton supporter that Hillary has "Nadered" out of the Democratic column, there's also now five good little Christian women in the suburbs who will put down their cookie sheet and turn off the 700 club and go vote for Sarah Palan. She's not a replacement of Hillary, she's a strange, anti-Hillary. She's a homemaker that somehow ended up as a governer of an unimposing state. She's got a gaggle of kids (one with down syndrome!) and a rough and rugged fisherman husband with one of those phantom goatees. She's got more minivans than McCain's got houses. She was a beauty queen of a podunk town, but not Miss Alaska. She played basketball in her little high school, but not scholarship good. She has a Bachelor's in journalism from the University of Idaho - a degree that's about two ticks above a G.E.D., which she used to propel herself into a small market news station job. She is not a super-over achiever like Hillary. She's what a First Lady should be to many people, and ergo, even if she's never been a First Lady, she's the First Lady the conservative house wife wants to see as Vice President. She the consumate dream of the bored stay at home wife, a little success without too much pressure. She's an Oxygen Exclusive Premiere. And for people that don't read politics, for women that want to "break a glass ceiling" without being tied to evil liberals like Nancy "Left Coast" Pelosi or Hillary "Pantsuit" Clinton, two communists if there ever were any in our government, she's perfect.
John McCain is counting on the American tradition of putting as much thought into a presidential vote as into where we stop for dinner afterwards. That Americans only read headlines and listen to soundbites. That the least common denominator wins. And even more so, whatever bad press comes from Joe Biden roughing up a woman in the debates... uh, wait, that's not even a problem with his target audience. That's in addition to the best thing ever. If you were tooling around the cable stations on Friday, Barak's Big Challenge was relegated to footnotes as the pundits furiously scrapped around to find out who Sarah Palin was. The "Barak Bump", which the McCain camp estimated to be up to fifteen points (and with hurricane coverage vying for time with the Republican Convention, a fifteen that may have been unrecoverable), was negated. John played a trump, he took the big chance. He cashed in all his Risk cards and went for it. The Maverick dodged Barak's Challenge, and in Obama-like fashion, changed the subject. Just as Barak was about to war over the middle, McCain dropped the fight and swooped on the Republican Base, the Religious Right, and amazingly enough, Suburban Church Ladies. He Baraked Barak.
There's only one downside: what if (I'll skip the prerequisite prayer to God) John McCain becomes incapacitated? Well, he'll be incapacitated, and it's not his problem anymore, is it?